Do you struggle with getting your point across at work?
Perhaps you walk away from meetings and wonder why you didn’t speak up.
Are there certain people you work with who you find intimidating to communicate with?
If any of these scenarios resonate with you, I have a tip to help you.
Firstly, what is assertiveness?
Assertiveness is the quality of being self-assured and confident without being aggressive when defending a right point of view or a relevant statement. Assertive individuals are able to get their point across without upsetting others, being passive, or becoming upset themselves. Some people are naturally assertive, whereas others may find it more difficult. The good news is that assertiveness is something you can improve in a way that still feels authentic to you.
At work, assertiveness is important to ensure that you can put across and defend boundaries, have your views heard, and work well with others.
I’m OK, you are OK
In order to be assertive we must feel confident and self-assured, but, we must also feel we can have fair two-way communication with the other person.
Using the I’m Ok, You’re Ok model created by Thomas Anthony Harris, we can understand this interplay a bit better.
I’m ok means I respect myself and feel confident to put forward my thoughts and opinions.
I’m not ok means I don’t feel able to express myself or my ideas.
You’re ok means I respect you, I am interested in your perspective and want to hear it.
You’re not ok means I’m not respecting you, and don’t value your ideas.
I’m Ok, you are Ok is the state that you want to be in. This way you feel you have the skills and resources to get your point accross, but you also feel that the other person is ‘OK’ too.
How can you approach a meeting or situation with ‘I’m OK, you are OK’ perception?
Self-awareness: now that you are more aware of how these perceptions affect your communication style, you can be more aware of when you are in the I’m OK, or I’m not OK mindset.
Positive affirmations: chose a statement that helps build your confidence to say repeat before the next situation where you would like to practice being more assertive.
Aim for win-win: what is an outcome where both parties could come away feeling they have been heard? How can you build on each other’s ideas to get an outcome that is agreeable to all?
Be more mindful: rather than immediately react (passively, aggressively, or passive-aggressively), take time to formulate a response that feels authentic to you.
Increase confidence: remind yourself before the situation why you are in this meeting, what expertise you have, and why your view is valid. A way of doing this is to have a strengths bank, where you record your strengths, successes, and achievements. You can refer back to this when you need to.
I would love to know if you choose to use the model in your next meeting and how you find it.
